My Raise

So probably about a month ago, I received a raise at work.  Just a small 5% raise- which now brings my total salary just over $80,000 a year.  I also received a promise that I would receive another 5% raise once the firm's finances turn around- that raise would bring my salary up to the mid-80s.

I appreciate the raise because I need the money.  I need to finish paying off my student loans and start putting money away for retirement.  However, I really feel as though the only reason I received the raise was because my boss feels he can buy me to make me stay at the firm.  I have encouraged, cajoled and basically begged him to take on more work over the last 4 years.  He has refused, he is in his 60s, he has suffered a lot of tragedy and he is tired/bitter.  He doesn't really want to work anymore.  I'm in my 30s and I am concerned about money because I am and single and I need to work for 30 more years in order to be able to retire.  If I have a prolonged period of time without working or without receiving a paycheck I will be in major trouble.

I hate the mental games that he plays.  He likes to stress you out and drive you crazy and then do something nice that he doesn't have to do in order to keep you off balance.  He tends to use money to buy people (which is why he is broke).  I had a boss several years ago who said that she used that exact strategy with people in order to wear them out and get what she wanted.

So now I am struggling with being grateful for this blessing and resentful for his attempts to control me.  So far I have used the extra money about $200 a month towards my student loans. Anyways, I have been asked to work this weekend, so I need to make my way into work.