I had an epiphany the other day about work (i actually had 2, but will only write about one for today's post). My boss likes to incite controversy. He deliberately takes jabs at his assistant and uses me as the stick. Over the years that I have worked at this firm, he and his assistant have developed a very close relationship. Uncomfortably, close. Apparently, that is normal for him as he had the same relationship with his previous assistant. His current assistant has stated that she feels like his girlfriend and his mother.
For some reason, however, he likes to try to incite jealousy in his assistant. For example, a few weeks ago, My boss told me that we needed to talk about a comprehensive listing of defenses for each type of case that we defend. I went ahead and prepared a memo listing everything I could think of so as to not to waste time. I left a copy on my boss's desk for him to review. Well, the next day he comes to talk to me about it and asks a few questions and then leave. He then tells his assistant how wonderful I am because I, unprompted, wrote a detailed memorandum of all available defenses. She comes in a few days later, mocking him and telling me what he said. I told her he was lying and that he specifically wanted the information and I decided to leave a memo on his desk to avoid a several hour meeting about something so simple.
It made me consider his motivation for lying. Why lie about something so simple and work related? Why make me out to be something greater than I am? That's when the lightening bolt hit me. He did it intentionally to make her jealous. He knows that she is jealous of me. (She has said to me that she is jealous of me because I am younger and make more money, etc. The fact that I am a lawyer and she is an assistant apparently does not factor into the analysis?????). He likes the drama and likes to add fuel to the fire.
This explains a lot of his actions and comments over the years. Who knew? Have you ever had a epiphany like this? Does your boss like to cause craziness in the office?
Very dysfunctional! Hope you are able to leave that environment in the near future.
ReplyDeleteI’m trying to find a new job. He doesn’t want me to leave. He has told other jobs that I have applied for that he will counteroffer anything that they offer. Of course, I never hear back.
DeleteGirl, drama is the word here. Ugh! Sometimes I think the definition of 'hell' is working for other people.
ReplyDeleteWhat is going on with him and this assistant? Is this the same assistant you wrote about before who barely comes in to work and is way overpaid or is this a new woman?
Are you sure they aren't having an affair? I can't imagine a man like you describe your boss to be, overpaying a woman without expecting something in return.
Either way, your boss sounds like something else.
Fortunately my current manager is great and nothing at all like the last one. In my last workplace there were two managers. Each manager managed their own team. The manager for my team was ok until she stabbed me in the back and fired me.
The other manager however liked to pit some us (on both teams) against each other. Among other things, he would play favorites and praise his two pet employees and how great they were to the rest of us, and say things, etc to make us jealous or feel bad about ourselves I guess. So yeah, I can relate. Anyway I got kicked out of there and I'm MUCH better off for it.
Don't stop looking around for other jobs. ABL - Always be looking.
This guy can't be the only game in town.
It really is sooo surprising to me how universal bad bosses are. I just don’t understand wanting to cause drama in the workplace. I realize how naive I can be at times, but it’s so frustrating. I definitely have never stopped looking for something new, but I’m so unsure as to where or what I want to do. I worry I will go somewhere worse.
DeleteYes, this is the same assistant. My boss likes to have what I call “emotional affairs”. He has given her pet names and texts her after hours and on the weekend. He is not an attractive man so I don’t think physical affairs are his thing. He just loves getting attention from women.
This would make me very uncomfortable! I cannot remember anything like this ever happening to me. I do remember several instances of people being jealous of me for strange reasons.
ReplyDeleteI had a job when I was 18 and rather naïve about these things. Only after I moved and left did I realize I was the manager's pet and people in my same job were afraid to cross me. I was responsible for training all new clerks on the cash register, so they learned quickly to do as I said in all other aspects of their jobs. My respectful camaraderie with the manager made them wonder about our relationship with was not what they thought.
I think this guy believes you two are in competition. Have you ever told her you make more because of your education? No one just gave you a title. You earned everything you get.
I have had jealous co-workers, but usually another attorney. I hate to say it, but I’m so naive about these things still. It was truly a revelation when I connected the dots that he was deliberately causing conflict. I don’t say anything to her, she is not my assistant. I figure it’s not worth my while.
Deleteyes - my boss is a narcissist and very unpredictable, lies all the time and tries to set people up to have conflict. I discovered last week that my boss had secretly kept a key to my office, let himself in and added files to my filing cabinet that I had said were missing so that it now looks like they were there all the time and its just me being incompetent. He makes my life miserable! good news is that he is now on long term leave. Best advice I can give you is to document every little thing and always create paper trails. I got to the stage I would never discuss anything with him on the phone and if he did tell me stuff in person I always wrote an email after to 'confirm' our conversation - he hated it as it really got in the way of him lying about me. And find allies that you can share with. good luck, this stuff really takes a big toll on you.
ReplyDeleteWow!! That is crazy. My boss is not that bad. He lies and is very insistent about his lies, but he is lazy and won’t go out of his way to physically cause drama. I’m constantly surprised how universal crazy bad bosses are in the workplace.
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